THE 5 BY 5 RULE
My friend and I were talking about some of the most terrible driving experiences we have had. With each story, we tried to one-up each other. He would tell me a horror story and I would try and top it off with a crazier story and he would try to do the same. We went back and forth with our stories until I remembered once what has happened to me when I first got my driver’s license and sat behind the wheel of the first vehicle I have purchased.
It is a typical story – I was driving home from work and somebody cut me off without checking their blind spots nor using their blinkers, almost hitting my car. As any normal person in this situation, I began cursing that person out, calling them every name in the book, flashing them with my high beams and honked my horn at them. Up until that point, it was a pretty basic behavior. Let’s not kid ourselves, we have all done that at some point in our lives. And if you have not, I salute you for keeping your emotions in check.
But what made that story a bit crazier was how I reacted to the situation. The anger and frustration I had towards that person made me take it a step further by following them and trying to drive past them, flipping them the bird and trying to cut them off to “give them a taste of their own medicine”. Why not? Because that would show them, right? At the time, that felt like the right thing to do. As much as I have tried to overtake them, my old beater would not allow it. My car, at the time, was a beat up 1998 Ford Escort. Their car, on the other hand, was a newer BMW and was much more performant than my vehicle. The more I could not ‘teach them a lesson’, the angrier I got.
After chasing that person for over 20 minutes, I realized I have missed my exit, I was almost out of gas and I was not sure where the nearest gas station was. At that moment, I realized I let the action of an ignorant driver control my emotions to the point that the emotions controlled me and my behavior. I gave them power over me and my emotions. I gave it meaning.
After finishing the book The Achievement Habit, by Bernard Roth, I was reminded of how I poorly I reacted in that particular situation. If you do not know this book, I highly recommend it. Roth claims that achievement can be learned. It’s a muscle, and once you learn how to flex it, you will be able to meet life’s challenges and fulfill your goals. In The Achievement Habit, Roth applies the remarkable insights that stem from design thinking—previously used to solve large-scale projects—to help us realize the power for positive change we all have within us. Roth leads us through a series of discussions, stories, recommendations, and exercises designed to help us create a different experience in our lives. He shares invaluable insights we can use to gain confidence to do what we have always wanted and overcome obstacles that hamper us from reaching our potential.
What truly made me realize my wrongdoing was the following quote:
“Once you understand that you can choose what meaning and importance to place on something, you can also understand that it is you, not external circumstances, who determine the quality of your life.”
It made me realize that not only do I give everything in my life its meaning but if I have the power to give everything its meaning and importance, I have more control over my life more than we previously thought we have had,. Whether it is something good and makes us happy, or whether it is something bad and gets up mad, we give everything its meaning. When I finally understood I give everything in life its meaning and importance, I got more power over what elevates me mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. The same goes for whatever that brings me down.
Soon after, I came across something that changed my way of thinking and looking at life in general. It is called The 5 by 5 rule:
“If it is not going to matter in 5 years, don't spend more than 5 minutes being upset by it.”
This new concept I have stumbled across is pretty straightforward: if it will not benefit you, empower you or elevate you physically, emotionally, spiritually, you should not give it more than five minutes of your time.
Not too long after this eye-opener, another careless driver cut me off as I was driving. I was getting ready to cuss them out, but I stopped myself. Why did I need to spend time my time being angry and upset at something that would not matter in an hour from not, let alone five years from now? There was no use getting riled up over this and giving it power over me. I understood that I had more control over things that I previously thought I had.
So next time, just remember, if someone cuts you off on the road, if your cat poops in your shoes, if your partner did not call you beautiful today or if a Sasquatch stole your car, you give everything in your life its meaning and importance. The key is to know when to get mad and take control, when to let go and not be controlled, and when to give thing their power and importance over what makes you happy and brings joy to those around you in life.
Be the King in your world, not a peasant.
“Once you accept that you give everything in your life its meaning, you feel like the master of your life, not a powerless victim of circumstance and chance.”
- Bernard Roth, The Achievement Habit